March 2006


So…Local newspaper is running new comics two weeks at a time in funny pages, asking us to send in our opinions as to which should be kept.

My suggestion was to keep OVER THE HEDGE and BIZARRO, and get rid of DOONESBURY and NON SEQUITUR, or at least move them onto the editorials page where they belong.

I mean, we have freedom of speech in this country. Publishing cartoons making fun of Christianity will not get you death threats from angry Christians. But a LOT of times it seems they use that freedom to say things they KNOW you don't want to hear.

Dad: "You told your teacher that math was against our RELIGION?"
Kid (Danae): "No, I said it was against MY religion."
Dad: "Well – You can't arbitrarily invent a belief just because it suits your needs."
Danae: "Oh, okay… So how did all the other religions get started?"
(Awkward silence…)
(That night at the bar)
Drinking buddy: "You converted to WHAT?"
Dad: "Danaeism. At least it's a religion that's HONEST about staying ignorant."

Global Politics in Thirty Seconds

Follow the Leader

The freedom to shock and offend in the name of free speech does not imply the obligation to do so.

Once in a while I run into somebody online who thinks that Sheriff Joe Arpaio is a great law-enforcement official.

Let me tell you something: I live in Phoenix. Don't EVER bring up Joe Arpaio in public around here. For every one person you run into that thinks he's a great guy and justifiably tough on crime, you'll meet twenty who think he's a LITTLE out of his head, and ten more who think he's the reincarnation of Rudolf Fucking Hoess.

“WARNING: WONDER SHOWZEN CONTAINS OFFENSIVE, DESPICABLE CONTENT THAT IS TOO CONTROVERSIAL AND TOO AWESOME FOR ACTUAL CHILDREN. THE STARK, UGLY, PROFOUND TRUTHS WONDER SHOWZEN EXPOSES MAY BE SOUL-CRUSHING TO THE WEAK OF SPIRIT. IF YOU ALLOW A CHILD TO WATCH THIS SHOW, YOU ARE A BAD PARENT OR GUARDIAN.” (In background: “Don’t eat my baby! Don’t eat my baby!”)

“I like sparkles. And porno.”

“Chicken dinners make me strong so I can yell louder.”

“Why don’t you avoid the middleman and just give your Social Security check to the mob?”

“I think warthogs are beautiful, but people say I’m ugly. I guess that makes me stupid.”

WHAT IS HEAVEN?
“Heaven is when you order six nuggets and they give you a seventh. And a switchblade.”
“I’ll never know.”
“A day without my PILLS. PILLS PILLS PILLS PILLS PILLS!!”
“Heaven is where drunk daddies drive off to.”
“Ask my cellmate.”
“When you mix up the letters of HEAVEN you get DEATH’S DESIGN.”

“I spell ‘freedom’ B-S!

“Some of the animals here have better living conditions than people in most Third World countries.”

“Dear Jesus, GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE. Amen.”

“You’re never too young to have a Vietnam flashback.”

“Can you justify capitalism in three words or less?”

“That’s what my dog did. In my hands.”
“That’s what my grandma once did on the coffee table. We rubbed her nose in it.”

WHAT IS LOVE?
“A neurochemical con job.”
“A new product?”
“Who cares! I’m going to Cabo! WOOO!! (I hate myself, I hate myself, I hate myself…)”

“These kids think I can actually read! Idiots.”

“I do impressions. Can I do one of you? Gamble, gamble, gamble, die.”

I never never wanna grow up
Old people make me wanna throw up…

Nazi to cowboy: “Whose hat represents more oppression, yours or mine?”

IF YOU HAD ONE WISH WHAT WOULD IT BE?
“I just want to punch God in the face.”
“I wish I had my innocence back.”
“I want my mom and dad back together… in Hell.”

“I never thought about shaving my beard or setting the slaves free. But I did think about shaving the slaves and setting my beard free!”

“So life is getting hard for you. Your parents aren’t getting along and they’re getting a divorce. …LOSER! HA HA HA HA HA!! LOSER!!!

“Hey! There’s my maid! And there’s my other maid! They’re always speaking that maid language… Espanol.”

“I got some letters for ya: F-U!”
“I gotta number for you: number TWO…on your CHEST, beyotch!”

“If a bully is mean to you, don’t be mean back. Kill ’em with kindness.”

“I haven’t seen that many dead slave owners in a long time.”

WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM?
“Negligence.”
“Abusive fathers.”
“Ignored prayers.”
“Carelessness.”
“The desire for welfare.”
“I can’t tell you, but I saw a picture of it. I’ll spell it for you: B-U-T.”

“When did you sell your conscience?”

“I developed a crush on my sister.”

“And on the seventh day, God did body shots.”

WHY IS AMERICA NUMBER ONE?
“We may not be the most intellegent nation, but we sure is the smartest!”
“White wine, white women and hate crimes.”

“Burn, economy, burn!”

“Hot dogs give me strength to fight off my daddy.”

White people havin’ fun
Global domination over everyone
White people smile so bright
Genocide for everyone that isn’t wh-i-ite
White people
Whi-i-ite people
You’re killing yourselves

“Today’s Wonder Showzen was brought to you by Whitey’s God-tastic God Sauce. Lordy, that Lord meat is ass-kickin hot!”

I don’t know what it is, but something strikes me as deeply wrong with the TV series WONDER SHOWZEN.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wonder_Showzen

I feel like a prude for even thinking of condemning it. Free speech and all that. And I agree that it’s about high time that we gave up on the idea of childhood as idyllic; to the very young, the world is in fact a scary place. And they make it clearly obvious that the show is NOT intended for viewing by the audience whose regular TV diet it parodies.

But it’s FUCKING DISTURBING – and this judgment comes from a guy who likes the work of David Lynch and John “Ren & Stimpy” Kricfalusi. It just goes into areas I don’t want to go. And some would say that that means it’s doing something right, but I can’t agree.

EDIT for a comment from IMDB.com from someone who gets really close to WS’s raison d’etre:

yeah I guess the truth hurts...may as well continue believing you live in a non-corrupt, non-stereotypical, racist-free world where nothing bad ever happens. kinda strange to think that shows which display a general truth about the world are looked down upon and considered "edgy." woooooooooooo!!

Other comments include:
Mercifully, the religious right has not found this show yet.
********
[to a critic] You're a fascist with no sense of irony.
********
It's subversive and is probably the bravest, funniest and truest comedy to come out of America since the late Bill Hicks.
********
The only reason I liked this show is BECAUSE they are so offensive. Sometimes it's just not funny at all - like the number two skit - real lame. And sometimes it's hilarious. but it's great cuz it's definitely not scared to say anything.
********
I watched that show last night and it scared the *beep* outta me...it's like Sesame street on heroin or something

Conservative: "We'll give you a smaller government, but you'll have to do whatever it tells you."

Liberal: "We'll let you do whatever you want – as long as you give us all your money."

Next Page »